Behind the Scenes: Yu-Gi-Oh!
by Diablo Omega
Summary: What, exactly, do they do when they're off air?
1. Default Chapter

Behind the Scenes: Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
A/N - I had a rather...odd...question bouncing around my off-kilter cerebrum a while back: 'What, exactly, do the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast members do backstage?' Here's my slightly(very) deranged take on it...  
  
Yugi Moto stood on the soundstage, finger pointed at Pegasus across from him, cards in his hand. "I'm no fool, Pegasus, I know what your strategy is!"  
  
The grizzled director shouted through his megaphone, "Cut! Yugi, that was horrible! Cut!"  
  
The short teenager groaned in annoyance and yelled towards the director as he stormed off the stage, "I can't do this scene anymore! We've done it at least forty times! I'll be backstage..."  
  
Yugi slammed the break room door behind him and stomped over to the bar counter. He grabbed his personalized mug off the bar top and poured a steaming cup of herbal tea. His right eye twitched convulsively as he chugged the drink. Setting it down, he muttered to himself, "One of these days...that director is going to limp out of here, with my foot so far up his ass..."  
  
Glancing around the room, he found Joey and walked over to his friend. The blonde had a violin in one hand and the bow in the other. Looking up, he saw Yugi and said, sans accent, " Ah, Yugi! Care to join me in a swift Bach Cantata?"  
  
Yugi just shook his head and walked across the room. As he did, Joey shrugged and began to play his instrument.  
  
The petit actor then found Bakura, headphones on, mouthing something. "What's that?" He inquired, and the white-haired youth held up a CD case without even looking up. "Ludacris," Yugi read aloud, "Word of Mouf." Yugi only raised an eyebrow at the British wigger. He backed away slowly.  
  
He turned around, he saw the Celtic Guardian sitting at a mahogany table with the Summoned Skull, several green bottles between them. The elvish swordsman had a full wine glass in his large hand. He lifted the dark red wine to his lips and took a taste. "Hmm..." The Guardian mused, smacking his lips, "...if I'm not mistaken...1908?"  
  
Summoned Skull looked at the bottle of wine, eyes going wide. "Wow," he grunted hoarsely, "You're good."  
  
A small end table had been placed between two over-stuffed armchairs, currently occupied by Yami Yugi and the Dark Magician. A chessboard and ceramic pieces lay on the table betwixt them. The Magician was playing with black, Yami with white. Yugi's alter-ego took a bishop with his queen. "Your move," he muttered, fingers knitted together under his chin, surveying the board.  
  
Yugi walked over and greeted the two. Yami held up two fingers in a swift wave as he looked up. The Dark Magician didn't even look at the diminutive new arrival and picked up his queen by the crown and knocked over Yami's without his expression changing a fraction.  
  
Yugi stood at Yami's side as piece after piece was taken. Finally, Yami had been boxed in by the skillful wizard, and he tipped over his king with a finger. "You win," grumbled the taller Yugi and reached into his pocket, removed a Dark Magician Girl card and slid it across the table toward his foe. A brief smile flitted across the Magician's features as he tucked the card into his robe.  
  
As all this transpired, the director had came into the rooms, accompanied by two large men, one of them holding an open straight-jacket. He threw it over Yugi, and closed it deftly. "Yugi," the director began in a slow, cautious voice, "These men will take you to a safe place, Yugi. A safe place for anger management classes..." Yugi squirmed violently and the director cowered behind one of the orderlies, "Oh, God, please don't make my skin into pants!"  
  
"Noooooooooooo--" Yugi screamed as he was dragged away by the hulking men.  
  
END! 


	2. Second Chapter and an Apology!

What Exactly Do They Do Off Air?  
  
A/N - Erm...well, here's Chapter Two. To all those people who yelled at me for leaving  
people out: Gomen. This is the next day after Yugi got carried away by the 'kind people'  
for those of you who care...  
  
Since the main star was being 'rehabilitated', Yu-Gi-Oh! was being put on hiatus.  
Most would think that the break room would be off limits, but since when has the cast  
cared about little things like that?  
"Grrr...I'm gonna kill him..." growled Yami Yugi, stomping across the room, a  
tattered Mickey Mouse hat in his hand.  
Mokuba Kaiba was literally bouncing around the corner he was in, muttering  
gibberish feverishly. He tore off another Pixi Stix and downed what could be called his  
opiate. "Eeehohaha! I likes the blue and purple weasels! They give me cake!"  
Yami's right eye twitched and he dove at the sugar-high Kaiba brother. He  
missed, however, and smashed into the wall. "GET OVER HERE, YOU  
HYPER-ACTIVE BUGGER!"  
Mokuba bounded out the open door and his pursuer followed, nursing a massive  
bruise on his forehead.  
Malik Ishtar was polishing his Millennium Rod on the couch, ominously giggling  
at what he planned to use it for.  
A confused and disturbed-looking Yami Bakura walked over and sat next to the  
blonde Egyptian, staring at the closet in the far end of the room. "Um, Malik?...MALIK!"  
The point of the Millennium Rod tickled at Bakura's throat. "What!?"  
"Why is there purple smoke coming from the Janitor's closet? And why do I here  
Celtic chants and flute music?"  
"Oh." Malik resumed polishing his item, replying quite calmly, "The Dark  
Magician is trying to bring his Dark Magician Girl card to life while simultaneously  
turning himself into the Magician of Black Chaos by chanting and sacrificing small, furry  
woodland creatures. The Celtic Guardian is playing the flute."  
The white-haired spirit's eyes grew wide and he absent-mindedly fiddled with his  
Millennium Ring.  
On the two-person sofa across from those two, Seto Kaiba's attention was glued  
to his portable television, on which was playing the newest Inu-Yasha episode, laughing  
hysterically at the mishaps the dog-demon was prone to.  
Isis Ishtar was skimming through her new issue of Anime Invasion, talking to her  
plushy Sphinx, "Oooh...Look at Mummy Gundam. He looks a little like Pharaoh, doesn't  
he? He does so! What was that!? Don't talk back to me, you smart-ass lion thing! EH!"  
She then hurled the stuffed Egyptian monument across the room. Directly onto her  
brother's Millennium Rod. She practically flew across the space between the couches  
and grabbed her treasured play-thing, rocking it in her arms. "Shhh...It's okay, baby. Isis  
is here..."  
Malik stared at his sister and shook his head at her childish ways.  
Teya and Mai had been sitting at the counter in the center of the room, gossiping  
and exchanging fashion tips, but they fell off their stools in shock when a deep,  
thoroughly evil-sounding laugh shook the break room.  
The janitor's closet in the far left corner off the chamber flew open, and, amidst  
purple smoke and sinister chuckling, out stepped what could only be described as a  
foreboding mage, a tattered outfit of black and scarlet clung to his tall, willowy frame.  
Red belts were wrapped around his arms and the silver buckles glinted dully. In his left  
hand he clutched a freakishly-carved staff, ribboned, like its owner, with black and  
crimson bands. His right arm was around a thin, cute looking girl wizard, who leaned  
close to him. "It worked! It worked!" His voice was deep, resonant. A triumphant smirk  
grew on his blue face and he twirled his stave, slamming it into the floor. A tremendous  
crack was heard, and, once everyone had looked up, they saw the new warlock hopping  
up and down, his foot indented with a small, round depression. "Jesus Christ! Ah!"  
The Dark Magician Girl rolled her eyes as her companion cursed and jumped  
about. When he had regained his composure, she handed him back his staff and brushed  
none-too-innocently against his hips, walking out toward the studio.  
He looked over at Bakura, who was glaring at him, and waggled his eyebrows in a  
Groucho Marx fashion before chasing after his supposed girlfriend.  
  
A/N - Well, I suppose that's it...I hope you liked it. Oh, and, for those of you who like  
him, Tristan is in Kyoto. For...some reason...^^; BYE! 


	3. Chapter Three Christmas Commercial!

Behind the Scenes: Yu-Gi-Oh!: Christmas Edition!  
A/N - This...is strange...The cast has to get together and do the Christmas commercial for  
the WB. Who will be Santa? What about the reindeer? Will Yugi be forced to portray the  
elf?! Read and find out! And, of course, I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  
  
The Yu-Gi-Oh! break room was unusually silent, save for the dark grumbles of  
some actors. The director, having been released from his therapy sessions to cure his  
recurrent nightmares of Yugi wearing him as pants, walked in, beaming and rubbing his  
hands together. "Okay! You may have heard that we're going to tape a special Christmas  
commercial for the network."  
He was answered by curses and a yelling Malik Ishtar. "You can't make me do  
this! It goes against my faith! I'll sue! Johnny Cochran will be in here so fast -- "  
"Malik," sighed Isis, "shut up. You know you don't have enough money to hire  
ANY attorney. And besides, I hear Bakura has his eye on a solid gold armband. You'd  
best save up..."  
Grumbling, the instigator sat back down.  
"Now, let's see who's cast as what..." muttered the director, looking over his  
clipboard. "Seto, you're Santa."  
The billionaire, looking up from his chronic Inu-Yasha watching, went  
wide-eyed. "You're kidding me, right?"  
"No," grinned the director. "You're the only one tall enough to fit in the  
suit...Anyway, Isis? You will be portraying Mrs. Claus."  
The Egyptian seer grumbled under her breath but didn't complain.  
"Joey, Tristan, Bakura and Ryou will be the reindeer..."  
"NO WAY! I already get enough flack from Kaiba about the whole chihuahua  
thing," exclaimed Joey.  
"Look, if you don't the holiday bonuses will be missing from your bank accounts.  
Got it?" explained the producer.  
The reindeer sighed and nodded, accepting their misfortune.  
"Okay, that leaves Yami, Yugi, Malik and his yami --"  
"HEY! Why don't Teya or Mai have to do this?" complained Yugi, his shoulders  
slumping.  
"Because, there aren't enough female roles," declared the director, dismissing a  
giddy Teya and Mai from the building. The two cartwheeled and cheered on the way out.  
"Now, Yugi and Yami? You will be playing the elves..."  
The ancient Pharoh had to hold his hikari back so he wouldn't maul the stage  
manager.  
"...and the Maliks will be playing the tin soldiers," finished the director.  
"Since when are there tin soldiers in a Christmas production?" inquired Tristan.  
"They guard the North Pole," the director lied, wanting to get on with the show.  
"Okay, everyone go see the costume department about your clothes."  
The cast did so, and, within half an hour, they were all back. All of them, that is,  
except Isis.  
"Grrr...where is she," growled Yugi, adjusting his green and red elf uniform as his  
yami fussed about with his hat.  
"I'll go check..." sighed the director, starting to get up, but then Isis appeared,  
wearing a long, heavy bathrobe and a Santa hat on her head. She shrugged it off,  
revealing a loose, Santa-esque dress of red felt, trimmed in fake, white fur.  
  
  
  
"Everyone have their lines? Props? Places? Okay, roll it," shouted the director.  
  
Yami and Yugi were in what looked like a reindeer stable and the two elves were  
brushing and feeding Joey, Bakura, Ryou and Tristan, the reindeer. "Didja hear what  
they're saying about winter on the WB?" asked Yugi with sugary sweet excitement.  
"Yeah! The WB is coming out with new holiday episodes of your favorite  
shows," replied Yami, equally excited.  
  
The scene shifted to the kitchen of the Clause household, where Isis was standing.  
"Don't forget! This winter Kids WB is all new," she grinned, giving the victory sign,  
winking, and holding a pan of cookies with her other, hot mitt-covered hand.  
  
Next was in Santa's study with Seto sitting in a recliner, checking a long list.  
"Hohoho," he said, his usual icy utterance straining to be warm and cheery. "Looks like  
the WB has been very good, giving all its viewers new episodes of their favorite shows!"  
  
The final shot was outside, the elves (Yami and Yugi) sitting on two reindeer  
(Yami on Bakura and Yugi on Joey), and the other two 'deer were standing one on either  
side. The tin soldiers (Malik and Yami Malik) were standing on either side of Santa's  
sleigh holding their cheap plastics rifles and grinning stupidly. Santa Clause himself  
(Kaiba) was in his sleigh, and Mrs. Clause (Isis) was standing to the side. "New episodes  
of all you favorite shows this winter on the Kids WB," everyone chorused, grinning. They  
gave the victory sign and Isis blew a kiss toward the camera.  
  
"Terrific, everyone! Enjoy your holidays," shouted the director, waving as  
everyone left.  
"So, Seto, what are you going to with your bonus?" asked Malik, leaning against a  
wall, hands behind his head, waiting for his sister to give him a ride.  
"Well, ever since I took him to that Cloak and Dragon place, he's been bugging  
me for all those little pewter figures in the glass case. And I mean ALL of them. The  
scenery, too," sighed the billionaire, shrugging on his trademark trenchcoat.  
"I see..."  
  
I hope you liked my *coughextremelycough* early holiday edition! Keep your eyes, er,  
fingers ready for future installments!~ D. Omega  
  
Notes: - Yugi and Yami spent Christmas with Yugi's Grandpa. At the whining of Yugi,  
they both donated their bonuses to the local Food Cupboard.  
- Isis was alone for the holidays, mostly reading in her room and watching 'The Wedding  
Planner' and 'Eyes Wide Shut' over and over again on the couch.  
- Ryou cooked a dinner for himself, his father and his yami. Only he and his father  
attended.  
- Joey and Tristan bought tickets to New York to see the Radio City Music Hall  
Christmas Show featuring the Rockettes.  
- Malik and Bakura got wasted after work and basically locked themselves in Malik's  
room for the majority of the season. Yami Malik slept at Wal-Mart with the other hobos.  
- Teya was beaten by hobos (including Yami Malik) at a local soup kitchen in response  
to one of her friendship rants and was in traction for several months.  
- Mai woke up in Tijuana and couldn't remeber a damn thing. 


End file.
